Beautiful Disaster
by ellibells
Summary: Chuck and Blair have and always will be nothing but a beautiful disaster. Season 2/4/5 "This doesn't change anything…" he begged. "How…how does it not?..."…"Because I will always love you…" There will be tears. Louis is irrelevant.


Title: Beautiful Disaster

Author: Ellibells

Summary: Chuck and Blair have and always will be nothing but a beautiful disaster. A broken heart is just a painful as a broken memory. Set in no particular season; a mix of 2/4/5. "This doesn't change anything…" he begged. "How…how does it not?..."…"Because I will always love you…" There will be tears.

A/N: I wrote this one-shot earlier this year but took it down to rewrite parts. This took me a long time to perfect. The amount of tears I put into this was unthinkable! I am a Chair shipper and although this is angsty, **I still believe Chair will be an endgame couple :)** I love the complexity of their relationship and the heartache they both go through just to be together even when they are apart. I hope you all **enjoy** what I have written even though it is sad and understand the emotions I want to portray from these **two amazing characters.**

I **strongly advice** you listen to…**I'm In Here by Sia** :) (and I know it's Christmas and this is depressing but Merry Christmas!)

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><p>Standing on an uncomfortably familiar rooftop.<p>

No particular direction, no particular destination. Cliché would have been the word, but for them, it was fate.

She felt his presence the moment he stepped remotely close. He radiated warmth like nothing she had ever experienced. How could such a narcissist be so simply hers?

He was so close she felt her breath hitch, like a lifeline hung in the air. She didn't want to turn around. Turning around only meant one thing, reality.

Every bone in her body compelled her not to, but her heart ached for one last glance. One last savour.

As the silence hung in the air, movements were calculated, time was slipping away from them like a lost memory.

He approached her with precision, almost flinching at the way presence would always linger in the air; consume him with a certain promiscuous, perfected purity.

Not a second would pass without the feeling he got in his stomach when he was near her. Not for one moment did it waver, not for a moment will it ever.

He was him, she was her. They were them.

_What Us…_

_The us I should have fought for when you called_

_The moment we do…it wont be the start of something…it will be the end_

_The game_

_You should not be with him…you should be with me_

_You're all I ever wanted…I love you…_

_But I need to let you go…You have to let go…_

Years down the long, winding line, they are at a cross roads. They weren't teenagers anymore and there was nowhere to run. Instead they keep fighting. That's what they do best, they cut, stab and punch until they are left with nothing but each other, bruised and destroyed, only worthy of each other but worthy of so much more.

The weakest smile of regret graced her features as her gaze met his. Locked in his soul like she always had been.

A million memories floating right in front of her, breaking her heart as she remembered every single ounce of each.

"Is it time…" It wasn't a question, it was truth.

He nodded.

She wanted to hear his voice. Make him yell, make him cry; make him feel every excruciating pulse she felt throbbing through her chest.

He knew, he always had and always would. Only him.

"Blair…" he let the perfection fall from his lips for just a moment.

Relief. It wasn't relief, it was what it was. It was pure desperation.

She moved her soft digits to his lips, pausing time for as long as she could.

"Please…let me…" it wasn't a request.

Letting her palm trail away as he grasped on in one final plea; holding them against a chaste kiss. Clinging on with the only sanctity he had left to bare.

"I know it's time but…I can't...I-I need more…"

She didn't know what she was truly asking; she only knew one thing; that she needed just one more moment, wrapped in his longing embrace. If only time was on their side, then she would hold this moment forever, keep him right there, so close.

She didn't stop the tears of desperation, despair, plea that left her body shaking in one single breath. It was like she had been saving up all the hurt, all the memories, all the love…just for it to be taken away in a glance.

"This doesn't change anything…" he begged.

She shook her head. With all the strength in her, she didn't want to listen, but her heart wouldn't let her deny it.

"How…how does it not?..."

"Because I will always love you…"

A sigh left her.

He didn't stop himself as the words slipped freely with no preservation. As he left go, he reached out and wiped away hers, no more hurt.

"If I could take back every ounce of pain…I would…"

She had heard it so many times; it should seem faux, but now more than ever, she believed every single word.

"I'm sorry…"

He could only beg for forgiveness, little did he think he was worthy of it.

"Sshh…" she whispered as she replicated his sense of compassion and wiped away his tears with the pad of her thumbs on each side of his face.

He held her orbs with his. Her dark brown, chocolate orbs penetrated his as deep as only he knew.

"I never thought it was possible to love someone this much…"

"I never thought I would love anyone…anyone would love me…" he admitted.

He was not a man. He was merely a little, vulnerable boy, being held together by just one being.

She shook her head in denial. Every ounce of his doubt for himself ached her. It pained her more than she knew possible, maybe it always would.

"Everyone deserves to be loved Chuck…especially you…" a fact, not a statement.

It was his turn to deny the honesty that lingered in his mind, in the air.

He couldn't bare the separation for one moment longer. He craved for her embrace as he pulled her flush against him, absorbing what they had left.

She clung onto him, falling with nothing else to save her. She had no other lifeline.

Their bodies heaved together as they grasped at each other like they grasped at the air filling their lungs.

"I can't do this…please…" she begged this time.

"I would do anything…but you know why…"

"I will never understand…" she whimpered almost bitterly.

"You will fall in love again…you will carry on and learn to live again…" he said it as confidentially as he wanted to believe it, but even now, he doubted it.

He doubted it because he didn't think he would ever truly be able to do those things.

He felt her quivering against him as the deep sobs transpired between the two desperate souls that clung together like pieces of string ready to fray apart.

"Only you…" she protested, shaking her head.

She knew. He knew.

They would fall in love again. The simple kind, not the kind you get with fireworks or sparks…the safe kind you get with comfort.

As much as they liked to believe they could love again, they knew they may never feel secure again; the only person who could offer such a thing was each other.

No one would ever venture so deep that they would know each other inside out, good and bad. Better than anyone else. Only two people ever could.

"Thank you…" He muttered into the soft locks of her perfectly flawless curls.

"What for?"

Wanting…needing to hear his voice as much as possible.

"For saving me…"

It was uncontrolled, pure desperation.

"You saved me…."

It was the truth, the only truth.

"I don't want to let go…"

"Then don't…"

She knew. They would never let go of the past. It was impossible.

There would always be something binding them, locking their hearts in the same place.

Always have, always will.

He inhaled her _his _scent, her warmth, security… savouring every ounce of how her body felt against his, fitting so perfectly. The perfect match, two creatures moulded so perfectly for one another.

She felt him pull away and increased her grip on him, relishing for one last moment before she let him loosen her.

Zoned into each other's sense, so finely tuned, he pulled her against him until they collided.

Two lives colliding for a final time, lip to lip, heart to heart, soul to soul.

He let his tongue invade her mouth as she did the same. It wasn't gentle or patient; it was desperate and passionate, hanging on to all they had left.

They came for air, but never breaking for a moment longer, capturing every second they had left.

"Don't let anyone ever tell you you're not powerful…you're the most powerful woman I know…" he swore, kissing her one the forehead this time as she locked his gaze contently for a moment.

It was a lifetime.

When they finally broke, she kept their gaze, afraid to let it waver, even for a moment.

"Chuck and Blair…" "Blair and Chuck…"

Affirmation.

"I will always love you…"

"I will always love you…"

He pulled her to him once more, kissing her deeply, softly, patiently. Kissing her lips chastely, her cheek, her eyes, her forehead, every surface untouched.

"Always have…" "Always will…"

He cupped her face, longing for time to slow.

"I will always be yours, no matter where we are or who we are with…" she stated firmly.

"Promise."

_It's taking all the power I have to walk away from you_

A beautiful disaster.

Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck

Two beautifully broken people.

Another time and another place…

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><p>AN: Depressing I know! Thank you for reading and I hope you all took a little something from this and understand how much I wanted to show my take on this wonderful couple. Merry Christmas and a happy new year :) Wouldn't say no to hear your thoughts and feelings, thank you.


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